Towards the end of our meal, I was blessed with the opportunity to meet JP’s friend Tommy. They met several years ago while interning together, so when JP decided to come along to Memphis he called Tommy to see if we could crash with him.
I will be forever grateful that he did. If someone ever made this trip into a movie, Tommy would be the cameo character that steals the show. A late-twenties guy working for Federal Express, Tommy’s life is one big juxtaposition of wonderful curiosities.
A jovial and fun loving guy, Tommy lives by himself in the close suburbs of Memphis. His apartment should be listed in wikopedia under the definition of how not to impress a woman.
It’s not that his place is dirty or that it’s not nice. Far from it. Tommy has two cars parked out front. One is a 7 series BMW and the other is a 90’s Ford Taurus that he drives in town. He has a 60 inch TV that takes up an entire wall, but he doesn’t have cable. His fridge is baren but for some beer, condiments and frozen vegetables. On his walls are a map of the US, a couple of pictures of Fedex planes and a Memphis Grizzlies’ mascot growth poster. It’s the type of décor that necessitates a woman being near blackout drunk in order not to notice as she’s quickly being led up to the bedroom.
Of course at that point she would bump into the empty beer keg at the foot of the bed that currently serves as an armoir. That’s assuming she made it over the bunker of dirty clothes that would protect a sleeping Tommy from all but the most tenacious of intruders.
The crown jewel of the apartment is undoubtedly the ceiling of the shower. When Tommy said “there’s a little bit of paint peeling off the ceiling”, I knew I was in for a real treat. It did not disappoint. The ceiling looked like someone had thrown thousands of paint chips on a canvas of glue and then hung it upside down. JP took a video of the apartment for posterity sake. It will go down in the bachelor hall of fame. Bud Light should do a commercial in honor of Tommy. His story needs to be told.
Tommy served admirably in his role of host, and he couldn’t have been more accommodating for our little foray. If I’m ever back in Memphis, I hope he’ll join me again for barbecue.